oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
