You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
