So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We don't watch enough power rangers
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.