the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
