what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs