I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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