the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My ass is underappreciated
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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