Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
