So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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