I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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