I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
