Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
