Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
