No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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