this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
