im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
