i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
