She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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