i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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