my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
