I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
