Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
