Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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