You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
