Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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