I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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