i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
