I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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