There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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