I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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