I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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