So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
