I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
