toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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