I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
