Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
