We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
