Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
