I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
