So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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