i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
