He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
