Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
