You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
