So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
