I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
me + whiskey = a bad person
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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