i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
