I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
