can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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