we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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