he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.