listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.