Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe