..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Can i not drive my cunt home
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
