Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
