Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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