Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
