So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
