he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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