why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
