so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
