I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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