**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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