Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
