I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He felt like a one man threesome
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
