I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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