So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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