Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
