oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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