I think scott just propositioned me for sex
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
