Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
