She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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