she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just tell him i said nine months
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
