Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
