Im at strip club and am horny
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
