you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
