We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
